Sent it Packing

The time has come for the hair to go into hibernation. I started going "au naturel" about a week ago, and it feels so much better! I'm amazed at how many people didn't realize I was wearing a wig. I've had several people comment on my "new cut" - haha. It looked so obviously fake to me, but I guess to people I only see occasionally they just thought it was my regular do. Anyway, they are washed and brushed and ready to be stored. Hopefully I will never have occasion to wear them again, unless it's Halloween.

You may recall that I borrowed the blonde underhair from Jacki in Florida. I reached out to her via her blog and she kindly offered to lend it to me. Her post The Hair Hits the Road details its travels. If there's anyone out there wanting to borrow my wig during treatment, please get in touch. Happy to have my wig hit the road as well. Even if you have one, it's nice to have a second option, and they aren't cheap! Jacki, blondie will be making her way back home shortly!

Moving Forward?

I love my therapist. I mean oncologist. I had my 3 month check up with her today and I actually came out of there feeling pretty good. She asked how I found the survivorship class, and I mentioned that it was a little discouraging because I feel like I was more or less doing all the right things before I got cancer. I asked her if there were any life changes I should make, or things to avoid, or things I could do, and she basically said that the biggest factor in my treatment is getting the Herceptin. She also said she thinks it's time to start thinking about transitioning from patient to survivor. As I told the good doctor, I am trying, but it's easier said than done. I was reading some literature from the American Society of Clinical Oncology, and it mentioned that "in some ways, moving from the period of active treatment into survivorship is one of the most complex aspects of the cancer experience." So true. I honestly don't think I will be able to think of myself as a survivor until my treatment is done at the end of February.

We also went over my bloodwork. My WBC count moved up to 3.16 (from 2.76 six weeks ago) which is still not in the normal range (minimum of 4) so I can't schedule my surgery. She said in some people it can take a longer time for the bone marrow to bounce back, but she isn't worried. At this rate, I can't imagine that I'll be back in the OR until the new year. Her feeling was that the plastic surgeon was being overly cautious, but I guess I'm more inclined to be safe than sorry. The last thing I need is to get an infection on top of everything. I'm still very slightly anemic, but it hasn't been affecting me that I've noticed. I actually feel like my energy level is pretty close to normal. I've done a couple of five mile runs in the last few weeks and felt fine. Speaking of being overly cautious, she also said that she was fine with me drinking in moderation which is different from the one drink a month max that the oncology nurse had prescribed.

Finally I asked the million dollar question --what is the chance of re-occurrence in my particular case? Drum roll please... Less than 10%. Obviously I'd sleep a little better if that number was 1%, but it could be worse. I have my dark days like everyone, but honestly I don't have time to dwell on it. Sorry cancer, I'm too busy living to deal with you right now.

P90X

Kind of a random, but we had a group workout with Tony Horton outside at work today. (No, not Tim Horton. Tony. This Tony would definitely not approve of Tim-bits). I didn't really know much about P90X until this morning, but thought I would give it a try. Surprisingly, I was able to keep up fairly well and didn't seem to be (any more) winded than the folks around me. That guy has a lot of energy, even at 8 in the morning. He's also 54 which is amazing because he doesn't look anywhere near that. I don't think I would want to do his program every day - it's a little too intense for me - but it was fun to challenge myself and see that my body is making a comeback!

The New Me

So, I'm three months post-chemo and things are starting to come back, but it's hard to say if my new normal will be transitory or enduring. My red blood cell count/hemoglobin isn't entirely back to normal range, but I'm no longer winded during simple physical activity and my runs are now up to 4 miles, though not as speedy as I would like. I lost about half the volume of my eyebrows and eyelashes and those are just starting to return as well. My fingernails are getting harder and are almost back to normal. I thought for sure I was going to lose a couple, but they hung in there. My hair is darker and a weird fuzzball texture that reminds me of moss. I've just this week started to go bare-headed in the neighbourhood, but I still wear my wig for work and venturing out in the company of others. I'll probably just have to bite the bullet and give it up entirely soon as I think my hair is going to start peeking out.

The pills (Tamoxifen) that I am on for five years are indeed giving me hot flashes. I don't break out in a sweat or anything, it's more what I describe as "hot-cold" syndrome where I can't seem to find a comfortable temperature. I take off the sweater, I put it on... I wonder if my body will eventually get used to the drug or if it will continue for all five years. As far as side effects go it's really not that big of a deal. After surviving chemo it seems almost trivial. There are times, however, when I feel like I still have "chemo brain", where I can't remember a name or feel like a word is just on the tip of my tongue. It's possible I'm just making excuses for my bad memory, but I swear it has happened more often than it did pre-cancer. Maybe I need to start doing brain exercises.

Surgery Setback

Well, I was supposed to have been in surgery this morning at 8am, but when I had my lab work done at treatment last week my white blood cell count was still too low. Normal range is between 4.2 and 10.2, and I am still in the 2's, and they don't want to risk the chance of infection. (This should be a fun cold and flu season with no immune system to speak of and two small children in two different daycare facilities)! Instead of rescheduling, my plastic surgeon just wants me to call him when I am back in the normal range and he will try to fit me in. Needless to say, I am a little bummed out by the setback. Not that I'm chafing at the bit to go under the knife again, but at this point I just want to get it over and done with. I only do labs every six weeks nowadays, so I'll let you know when the October 15th results are in. Boo!

Disney Debut

Yes, I know, it's been a while. Things have been a little crazy with vacation and back to school and work, kids activities, etc... We were in Orlando for the last week of August visiting John's aunt and uncle and or course Disney! I can manage wearing my wig for short periods of time outside, but it was just too hot to keep it on all day so I had to make my hair debut at Disney World. I would start out all ambitious in the morning:

But after a few hours, off she came! Here is one of me and Colin after riding the Kali River Rapids at Animal Kingdom:

And here we are somewhere in Hollywood Studios trying to escape Tropical Storm Isaac at an indoor venue:

To me it seems like it's coming in painfully slow, but I can see from looking back at pictures that I'm making some progress at least. Maybe it will be long enough to call "pixie" by Christmas...

Forty and Fair

Well, today is the dreaded day. Forty and fabulous? Not quite. Functional maybe. I just read a book title that made me laugh: Forty and Fabulous - Moving Toward Fierce, Focused and Full of Life. I'm calling my memoir Forty and Fair - Moving Away From Failing, Feeble, Fatigued and Funny-looking! Coming soon to a Kindle near you.

Shrimp & Veggie Kebobs

I actually had a splendid extended birthday weekend. Drinks with some lovely ladies on Friday night, and then lots of time with my boys - an outing to Burke Lake Park, pool time, a BBQ, strawberry shortcake, a decorated house, party hats, and afternoon tea with John. I've never been overly stressed about birthdays because, until now, I guess I never felt old physically. I feel like I'm about 80% right now, and my oncologist says it often takes about a year to get back to feeling 100%. I guess I can live with 80 for awhile, but patience has never been my strongest virtue. According to American psychologist Walter Pitkin, life begins at forty, so I guess that makes me a newborn. Okay, phoenix maybe.

Amphora's Strawberry Shortcake

Burke Lake Park

Afternoon Tea

Today, my actual b-day, John took me out for lunch at The Oceanaire which is participating in restaurant week. Yum. When I got back to work I found my office all tricked out and a chocolate cake waiting. All orchestrated by John who is getting an A+ in party planning this week.