Team Canada 2013

I admit it. I didn't think we were going to reach our ambitious goal of $12,000, but we did and then some! For the second year in a row, Team Canada was the top international team and the 10th team overall with $12,846 in donations! A-mazing.

I was also a little worried about the weather for race day, but it stopped raining just long enough to finish the course and make it back to the tent for some breakfast. It's crazy to think about all that has happened since last year's race, which I did in a wig, during my fifth round of chemo. This year I could run!

Komen Kick-Off

For the second year in a row, the Embassy partnered with Komen in hosting its pre-race reception celebrating the Susan G. Komen Global Race for the Cure.  Several of the area's top fundraisers are invited to the event and their commitment is very inspiring. One woman in attendance was celebrating one million raised in the last 14 years! Congresswoman and breast cancer survivor Debbie Wasserman Schultz was one of the guests speakers and she made some very interesting comments about young women with breast cancer having different issues to deal with than older women. She also spoke about her efforts to introduce legislation making genetic testing for the BRCA gene more accessible. I also spoke briefly with WTOP's Bob Madigan who has emceed the race for the last 25 years and Cynne Simpson from WJLA who emceed our event and is involved with another local fundraising effort for breast cancer called DC Newsbabes. So many impressive people!

Pierre Garcon (Redskins), Nick Sundberg (Redskins), Cynne Simpson (WJLA), Josh Morgan (Redskins) and moi.

View from the balcony

Cupcakes from Georgetown Cupcakes

Survivors!

Anchorwoman Cynne Simpson and singer Colby Dee

Redskins Josh Morgan and Nancy Brinker

Congresswoman and Survivor Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

Redskins Pierre Garcon enjoying the view

Cupcakes for the Cure

I have been very delinquent in my posts, but it's only because I've been crazy busy and haven't had much to report on. We've had a few fund raising events at work to raise money for Team Canada, including a Happy Hour, Snacks for the Cure, and today - Cupcakes for the Cure! We sold $548 in cupcakes - that's pretty amazing. Mine - Strawberry Surprise (in the foreground below) - were runner-up for most creative! Haha. There were some serious hard-core bakers in the crowd.

There are only ten days left until the race. I don't think we're going to make the $12,000 target but it doesn't hurt to aim high!

The Race is on!

The Komen Race for the Cure pulled a fast one this year and moved their race up by a month to Saturday of Mother's Day weekend. I volunteered to be a team captain this year again so I will be pestering everyone I know to either come out and walk or donate! Check out our website - all donations of any amount welcomed and appreciated!  xoxo

 

Valium, sweet valium

So I'm 10 days out of surgery. Expander is out, port is out, implant is in! I stayed home from work all last week and mostly self-medicated and slept. It's not terribly painful to be honest; I have not really been using the percocet. I'm more stiff and sore - enter the valium - which in my opinion should totally be over the counter. I think, if I understand correctly, that the implant goes under your chest muscle and since valium is a muscle relaxant it just helps to loosen everything up. It also has the added bonus of making you sleepy so I am actually sleeping through the night which has been a problem with all those damn hot flashes from the Tamoxifen, but I digress...

Anyway, I had my post-op with the plastic surgeon and he said everything looked "normal". I think it actually looks pretty hideous with the scars opened up again and the stitches hanging off waiting to dissolve, but this is why I'm not in the medical profession. I try not to look. I have to sleep upright, where a sports bra 24-7, and no heavy lifting or bouncing for awhile. The only glitch in that little scenario is my 30lb G-ski, but we took the front rail off his crib, gave him a stepstool to climb into his carseat, and diaper changes are now on the floor. Poor little guy keeps raising his hands saying "up, up" and C wants to know when my "arm" is going to be better so it won't hurt to pull on it when we're holding hands. Hopefully soon, little men!

I also had my post-op check with my oncologist who has been monitoring the wbc counts. As I mentioned, they sky-rocketed to the 14's after a week of the Neupogen shots, but when I went in for labs yesterday (9 days after the last one) I was back in the 3's again. Argh - so depressing. This means more shots to lower the risk of infection while I heal. I had one yesterday, one today, and will have 2 or 3 next week. I have to tell you this whole neutropenia thing is really stressing me out. My oncologist says she isn't worried. I'm only "mildly" neutropenic. So what does that mean for the rest of my life? I'll have to wear a face mask and live in a bubble during flu season? I am so ready for all of this to be over.  Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a valium and go to bed.

Reconstruction Day

So here I am just about to go into the OR. The annoying Neupogen shots clearly worked because my wbc count was 14.4. I got to do this second part of the reconstruction in the surgery centre attached to my plastic surgeon's office which was quite nice. (Or at least a lot more pleasant than being in the hospital). I was the only patient in there so it felt less manic and stressful. I was under for a few hours and apparently the first thing I said when I came to was to ask if I was going to get a pineapple popsicle. This sounds ridiculous - and it is - but there is kind of an explanation. At the hospital where I delivered both my boys, they give you popsicles after your delivery, and seriously nothing ever tasted so good! So I guess I was a wee bit confused why I was there. The anesthesiologist said I'd wake up in about 5 mins into the recovery room where I'd regroup for about an hour and then go home. Not so much. Could not stay awake and felt nauseated whenever I wasn't sleeping. I was in recovery for three hours. The nurse said it's not uncommon for "small people" to have a harder time which doesn't really make sense to me because I would think the anesthetic is all calculated based on your size, but I was too tired to care. I guess it was closing time so they finally managed to get me into a wheelchair and into the car. I slept the whole way home and somehow John woke me up in the driveway and got me into bed. A few hours later I woke up starving, not having eaten anything for 24 hours, and lovely John made me the best homemade pizza all delivered to my bed.

What Doesn't Kill You...

Anyone that's been following this story of mine will know that I've been trying to get back into decent running shape. While I was thrilled to finally set a date for my surgery (March 5th), it also means that I will have to drop out of the Cherry Blossom 10-miler - again. I've been running ten miles on the weekends so I was a little frustrated to not be able to race. So being the crazy person that I am, I found a half marathon in Williamsburg prior to my surgery date, and we all drove 2 1/2 hours south so I could get a race in. Despite all the hills and the fact that I've only been running ten miles, it went really well. It was a gorgeous sunny day, John and the boys came to cheer me on, and it kind of felt like I was giving cancer the bird knowing that a year ago I was starting chemo and now I was running a half marathon. John was laughing at me for putting Kelly Clarkson on my i-pod, but I tell you, it was my Williamsburg theme song! (You're singing it now, aren't you?!)

Graduation

Apologies for my absence -- I don't know where the last two months went. I've had about a million appointments.. I saw my oncologist and breast surgeon for check-ups, and had another mammogram, echo-cardiogram, and genetic test. Everything looked good. My breast surgeon got my oncologist and plastic surgeon talking and they managed to work out a plan to get my expander out - finally! My WBC was low again (2.57) so my oncologist is going to give me Neupogen shots to temporarily boost my counts to a level where the plastic surgeon feels comfortable operating. I have a surgery date set for March 5th, and for seven days leading up to the surgery I will get a shot.

I also had my last treatment on February 19th!!! One year, people! I jokingly asked my chemo nurse if I would get a certificate for graduating and sure enough they all came over to wish me well and give me hugs AND a certificate - haha. I have nothing but good things to say about the chemo nurses at the Fairfax office of Virginia Cancer Specialists - the best!

Good riddance, 2012!

I am seriously so excited that 2012 is finally over. It's almost unbelievable to look back and see all that has happened over the last year. I practically cried putting up the new calendar. Today is my cancerversary - I've survived one year. Some people commemorate the day they found the lump, some choose the day they were officially diagnosed, and others the day they had surgery or finished treatment. One year ago I was sitting in my office listening to the radiologist tell me I have cancer. I'll never forget that phone call. Nothing has been the same since.

I can tell you one thing - cancer is expensive. My total medical charges for 2012 were $341,605.37 and that doesn't include prescriptions. (Our insurance didn't actually pay out that amount, but that was the total billed). I calculate my out-of-pocket expenses to be about $1700 which includes co-pays, prescriptions and my wig. Not terrible, all things considered, but I could have done something way more fun with $1700.

I can also tell you that recovery is way slower than I would like. I have three more Herceptin treatments left in 2013, a part II reconstructive surgery, and a port that will need to come out before I can consider treatment officially over. (Note, I am not including the five years on Tamoxifen in this little countdown or I'll really get depressed). I'm telling myself that my hair is very Anne Hathaway/Les Mis, but obviously it can't grow fast enough, and I'm seriously starting to wonder whether I will ever have full eyebrows and eyelashes ever again.

Despite all this, I feel like the worst is over (hopefully for good) and that this year will see us in a happier place. Onwards and upwards!

Reconstuction Options

I came across this article on Belinda Stronach a while back, and was really surprised by her accounts of reconstruction options in Canada. According to the article, in 2010-11, 24,735 women had mastectomies in Canada. Of those, only 945 women (about 1 in 26) had immediate reconstruction, and only 1719 women had delayed reconstruction (about 1 in 15). I thought reconstruction was a given, but obviously that is not the case everywhere, and I'm thanking my lucky stars again that I live where I do and have access to amazing medical care. Reconstruction seems to be the standard of care in this area, in fact, I was presented with a few different options to consider.  I'd be interested to hear about other people's experiences. Why are those numbers so low?

Stronach talks about having to go to California in order to have nipple sparing surgery, which is what I received and didn't realize it was anything out of the ordinary. Like most people, I had a very basic knowledge of what a mastectomy entailed in my pre-cancer life, and I certainly had no idea that I could have my breast reconstructed to look basically normal. My breast surgeon and plastic surgeon were able to keep my skin and nipple so if it weren't for the huge scar running along the underside of my breast, you wouldn't know I had a mastectomy at all. (Well, I should qualify that, you could definitely tell right now because the expander is ridiculously high and off kilter, but I'm hoping once I swap it for the implant it will look a little more natural)! Next labs are January 7th. Stay tuned.

I Heart Science

A new study was released today that suggests that taking Tamoxifen for ten years instead of five may be beneficial, particularly in younger women. In the study, researchers found that women who took tamoxifen for 10 years lowered their risk of a recurrence by 25 percent and of dying of breast cancer by 29 percent compared to those who took the pills for just five years. I don't see my oncologist again until mid-January, but I'm wondering if she's going to suggest I stay on it for ten. I have mixed feelings about this. I hate the thought of having to take a drug for ten years (I thought five was forever), and enduring the side effects which can be serious in their own right. On the other hand, I have a lot of years ahead of me so anything I can do to reduce the risk of recurrence sounds comforting. It's never that black and white though. I'll be interested to hear what she has to say. I only started Tamoxifen this July, so chances are in five years there will be something new anyway, or better yet, a cure!

The Chair

Just when I start thinking life is back to normal, it's back in "the chair" for me. I won't say it isn't depressing to go into the clinic every three weeks for yet another infusion, but it's not terrible either. I know most of the nurses, and they know me. They stop and say hello or comment on how nice my hair is coming in (haha). John and I get a Starbucks on the way into the building, I get to relax in a big comfy chair, go into work late, and for one whole hour I can actually sit and do absolutely nothing. Well, other than obsessing over my labs that is. I'm starting to wonder whether I'll ever get back into the normal range. Today my WBC moved up to 3.39 from 3.16 six weeks ago. (Recall that I have to get to 4 to finish my surgery). Could it take any longer?! The good news is, only 4 more treatments left!

 

Running, but not pushing...

I am stealing this line from my friend because I think it's bang on re my post-cancer routine: I'm running, but I'm not pushing. (To be honest, this kind of describes my approach to fitness before cancer as well). I'm a listen to the birds kind of jogger. I like to sign myself up for races periodically because it forces me to kick things up a notch. Today I did my first race in exactly a year - the Vienna 10K Turkey Trot - and today I pushed. This was the first year they offered a 10K, and I was pleasantly surprised to have run a 8:52 pace. Here's a pic a friend snapped just as I was about to cross the finish line:

I didn't win a turkey, (I was 10th in my age category) but there's always next year.

Sent it Packing

The time has come for the hair to go into hibernation. I started going "au naturel" about a week ago, and it feels so much better! I'm amazed at how many people didn't realize I was wearing a wig. I've had several people comment on my "new cut" - haha. It looked so obviously fake to me, but I guess to people I only see occasionally they just thought it was my regular do. Anyway, they are washed and brushed and ready to be stored. Hopefully I will never have occasion to wear them again, unless it's Halloween.

You may recall that I borrowed the blonde underhair from Jacki in Florida. I reached out to her via her blog and she kindly offered to lend it to me. Her post The Hair Hits the Road details its travels. If there's anyone out there wanting to borrow my wig during treatment, please get in touch. Happy to have my wig hit the road as well. Even if you have one, it's nice to have a second option, and they aren't cheap! Jacki, blondie will be making her way back home shortly!

Moving Forward?

I love my therapist. I mean oncologist. I had my 3 month check up with her today and I actually came out of there feeling pretty good. She asked how I found the survivorship class, and I mentioned that it was a little discouraging because I feel like I was more or less doing all the right things before I got cancer. I asked her if there were any life changes I should make, or things to avoid, or things I could do, and she basically said that the biggest factor in my treatment is getting the Herceptin. She also said she thinks it's time to start thinking about transitioning from patient to survivor. As I told the good doctor, I am trying, but it's easier said than done. I was reading some literature from the American Society of Clinical Oncology, and it mentioned that "in some ways, moving from the period of active treatment into survivorship is one of the most complex aspects of the cancer experience." So true. I honestly don't think I will be able to think of myself as a survivor until my treatment is done at the end of February.

We also went over my bloodwork. My WBC count moved up to 3.16 (from 2.76 six weeks ago) which is still not in the normal range (minimum of 4) so I can't schedule my surgery. She said in some people it can take a longer time for the bone marrow to bounce back, but she isn't worried. At this rate, I can't imagine that I'll be back in the OR until the new year. Her feeling was that the plastic surgeon was being overly cautious, but I guess I'm more inclined to be safe than sorry. The last thing I need is to get an infection on top of everything. I'm still very slightly anemic, but it hasn't been affecting me that I've noticed. I actually feel like my energy level is pretty close to normal. I've done a couple of five mile runs in the last few weeks and felt fine. Speaking of being overly cautious, she also said that she was fine with me drinking in moderation which is different from the one drink a month max that the oncology nurse had prescribed.

Finally I asked the million dollar question --what is the chance of re-occurrence in my particular case? Drum roll please... Less than 10%. Obviously I'd sleep a little better if that number was 1%, but it could be worse. I have my dark days like everyone, but honestly I don't have time to dwell on it. Sorry cancer, I'm too busy living to deal with you right now.

P90X

Kind of a random, but we had a group workout with Tony Horton outside at work today. (No, not Tim Horton. Tony. This Tony would definitely not approve of Tim-bits). I didn't really know much about P90X until this morning, but thought I would give it a try. Surprisingly, I was able to keep up fairly well and didn't seem to be (any more) winded than the folks around me. That guy has a lot of energy, even at 8 in the morning. He's also 54 which is amazing because he doesn't look anywhere near that. I don't think I would want to do his program every day - it's a little too intense for me - but it was fun to challenge myself and see that my body is making a comeback!

The New Me

So, I'm three months post-chemo and things are starting to come back, but it's hard to say if my new normal will be transitory or enduring. My red blood cell count/hemoglobin isn't entirely back to normal range, but I'm no longer winded during simple physical activity and my runs are now up to 4 miles, though not as speedy as I would like. I lost about half the volume of my eyebrows and eyelashes and those are just starting to return as well. My fingernails are getting harder and are almost back to normal. I thought for sure I was going to lose a couple, but they hung in there. My hair is darker and a weird fuzzball texture that reminds me of moss. I've just this week started to go bare-headed in the neighbourhood, but I still wear my wig for work and venturing out in the company of others. I'll probably just have to bite the bullet and give it up entirely soon as I think my hair is going to start peeking out.

The pills (Tamoxifen) that I am on for five years are indeed giving me hot flashes. I don't break out in a sweat or anything, it's more what I describe as "hot-cold" syndrome where I can't seem to find a comfortable temperature. I take off the sweater, I put it on... I wonder if my body will eventually get used to the drug or if it will continue for all five years. As far as side effects go it's really not that big of a deal. After surviving chemo it seems almost trivial. There are times, however, when I feel like I still have "chemo brain", where I can't remember a name or feel like a word is just on the tip of my tongue. It's possible I'm just making excuses for my bad memory, but I swear it has happened more often than it did pre-cancer. Maybe I need to start doing brain exercises.

Surgery Setback

Well, I was supposed to have been in surgery this morning at 8am, but when I had my lab work done at treatment last week my white blood cell count was still too low. Normal range is between 4.2 and 10.2, and I am still in the 2's, and they don't want to risk the chance of infection. (This should be a fun cold and flu season with no immune system to speak of and two small children in two different daycare facilities)! Instead of rescheduling, my plastic surgeon just wants me to call him when I am back in the normal range and he will try to fit me in. Needless to say, I am a little bummed out by the setback. Not that I'm chafing at the bit to go under the knife again, but at this point I just want to get it over and done with. I only do labs every six weeks nowadays, so I'll let you know when the October 15th results are in. Boo!

Disney Debut

Yes, I know, it's been a while. Things have been a little crazy with vacation and back to school and work, kids activities, etc... We were in Orlando for the last week of August visiting John's aunt and uncle and or course Disney! I can manage wearing my wig for short periods of time outside, but it was just too hot to keep it on all day so I had to make my hair debut at Disney World. I would start out all ambitious in the morning:

But after a few hours, off she came! Here is one of me and Colin after riding the Kali River Rapids at Animal Kingdom:

And here we are somewhere in Hollywood Studios trying to escape Tropical Storm Isaac at an indoor venue:

To me it seems like it's coming in painfully slow, but I can see from looking back at pictures that I'm making some progress at least. Maybe it will be long enough to call "pixie" by Christmas...

Forty and Fair

Well, today is the dreaded day. Forty and fabulous? Not quite. Functional maybe. I just read a book title that made me laugh: Forty and Fabulous - Moving Toward Fierce, Focused and Full of Life. I'm calling my memoir Forty and Fair - Moving Away From Failing, Feeble, Fatigued and Funny-looking! Coming soon to a Kindle near you.

Shrimp & Veggie Kebobs

I actually had a splendid extended birthday weekend. Drinks with some lovely ladies on Friday night, and then lots of time with my boys - an outing to Burke Lake Park, pool time, a BBQ, strawberry shortcake, a decorated house, party hats, and afternoon tea with John. I've never been overly stressed about birthdays because, until now, I guess I never felt old physically. I feel like I'm about 80% right now, and my oncologist says it often takes about a year to get back to feeling 100%. I guess I can live with 80 for awhile, but patience has never been my strongest virtue. According to American psychologist Walter Pitkin, life begins at forty, so I guess that makes me a newborn. Okay, phoenix maybe.

Amphora's Strawberry Shortcake

Burke Lake Park

Afternoon Tea

Today, my actual b-day, John took me out for lunch at The Oceanaire which is participating in restaurant week. Yum. When I got back to work I found my office all tricked out and a chocolate cake waiting. All orchestrated by John who is getting an A+ in party planning this week.